I'm sarcastic and I like sleeping. That's all you need to know for now.

 

wesker-is-hot:

troybakerrr:

You have a dinner date for seven. What time do you arrive?

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Seven. Am. Case the restaurant. Run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not I gotta kill him. Dispose of the body. Replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30.

(Source: troybakerofficial)

eldiablocabra:

awkwardvagina:

alvxandra:

oh look it’s the leader of the free world breaking the cardinal rule of chipotleimage

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"Retract your arm immediately, Mr. President" 

jaybiggsthegreat:

vandalyzm:

fat-feminist:

whatwouldmommywear:

africa-will-unite:

“I will give you an example of how race affects my life. I live in a place called Alpine, New Jersey. Live in Alpine, New Jersey, right? My house costs millions of dollars. [some whistles and cheers from the audience] Don’t hate the player, hate the game. In my neighborhood, there are four black people. Hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people? Well, there’s me, Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Eddie Murphy. Only black people in the whole neighborhood. So let’s break it down, let’s break it down: me, I’m a decent comedian. I’m a’ight. [applause] Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man who lives next door to me does for a living? He’s a fucking dentist! He ain’t the best dentist in the world…he ain’t going to the dental hall of fame…he don’t get plaques for getting rid of plaque. He’s just a yank-your-tooth-out dentist. See, the black man gotta fly to get to somethin’ the white man can walk to.” Chris Rock

Well, America in a nutshell

“The black man gotta fly to get somethin’ the white man can walk to.”

Absolute genius way to put it

Damn good point ;-)

jaybiggsthegreat:

vandalyzm:

fat-feminist:

whatwouldmommywear:

africa-will-unite:

“I will give you an example of how race affects my life. I live in a place called Alpine, New Jersey. Live in Alpine, New Jersey, right? My house costs millions of dollars. [some whistles and cheers from the audience] Don’t hate the player, hate the game. In my neighborhood, there are four black people. Hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people? Well, there’s me, Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Eddie Murphy. Only black people in the whole neighborhood. So let’s break it down, let’s break it down: me, I’m a decent comedian. I’m a’ight. [applause] Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man who lives next door to me does for a living? He’s a fucking dentist! He ain’t the best dentist in the world…he ain’t going to the dental hall of fame…he don’t get plaques for getting rid of plaque. He’s just a yank-your-tooth-out dentist. See, the black man gotta fly to get to somethin’ the white man can walk to.” Chris Rock

Well, America in a nutshell

The black man gotta fly to get somethin’ the white man can walk to.”

Absolute genius way to put it

Damn good point ;-)

whatslifewithoutfandoms:

tortillah:

remember when zack and cody entered a parallel universe

and london was smart

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and maddie was dumb

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and esteban was a woman

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so basically they were their stereotypes

comedycentral:

Click here to watch more of Jordan Klepper and Jessica Williams’s safety tips for college students from last night’s Daily Show.

angelvegetababy:

sixpenceee:

littlekiwifrog:

Tear-drinking Butterflies

In the Amazon, it’s not uncommon to see groups of colorful butterflies fluttering around turtles basking along the river. This is because they drink the turtles’ tears—an invaluable source of salt for the herbivorous butterflies.

(source)

This is so cool

"Get your feet out of my eyes!!!"

This is cute and bothersome at the same time.